fuck you.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.5.2

i dont get you. i dont get all of this. this just makes no sense to me.

i THOUGHT you were one of my closer friends. i guess i was wrong. and by now, when i am realizing all of this, you already know too much about my life for me to let it go. at least you know too much of my high school life? my recent life? all the smaller secrets that i share only with the people i thought were my closer friends.

this sucks. i dont understand you. why you're like this? i just dont get it.

I think the anger has finally set in. I'm actually surprised it took this long. if I were mad from the start, you'd probably be dead already. or I would. oh. and I appreciate the fact that you don't even bother to say one fucking word. sorry. maybe then I wouldn't be so mad. and I have to lose all of this because you wanted a damn pokemon game? that's bull. I'm over this. this angry phase will go by. I'm hurt, andyoure acting like nothing is wrong. Damn. the thoughts running through my head are so unreal. this is awful. I hate. it. so.damn. much. but who reallycares.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.8

Well that sucks.

i hate this time of year.
this time of year where i probably grow 23409754 white hairs. where i stress but for what. why do i have to stress over something so small. it makes no sense. well, it doesnt make sense to you. but it sure make a lot of sense to me. and everyday i get angry. like what the f**k is wrong with my attitude. i hate it. i wish i could change it. sadly, i cant. and it has taken over my life. but i thats my fault. there isnt anyone at fault here. but me.
i get angry because of you. because you tell me to do every single thing YOU dont want to do. but then when i get angry you get angry and that makes no sense to me. but you dont care if it makes sense to me or not.
and i hate how during this time the worst of me comes out and how all these negative thoughts pop into my head. i hate how i want to die. but isnt wanting to kill yourself just so selfish. yeah. i think so. but how can you not want to if you feel worthless.
i need life to move faster. but we dont always get what we want.
august and september, you will kill me slowly.

shiet man. im like more stressed out this summer than during the school year -_- GAY.

hey you,
it was nice talking to you again. thanks :]
i hope you have a wonderful summmer! :D


i recently have been...i dont know what the write word for it is...but i guess inspired will do. something i have been thinking about for the last..well year. and talking to you...it just clarified everything. all of it. and now, i understand. that these so-called "friends" arent really my friends. but instead, just a colleague.
now everything makes sense.
thank-you.

this entire year...especially the last 3 months i have been longing for summer break. so badly. but now that its here, im already waiting for school year to begin again.

dang is there anyone that wont say a persons name out loud in front of the people you absolutely DONT want knowing. jeez.
well..yeah i guess theres like one person. but besides that jeez. when you want something to be a secret. damn. ive made the mistake of trusting too many people.
ugh.



BUT! on a happier note... :]

i like:
-how i can tell you pretty much everything.
-how you wont tell anyone anything.
HAHA i dont know what else...
but thanks :D

mission accomplished.
i finally did it. woohoo! im proud :]

today was the last concert at cymo. it was bittersweet. :]

thank you everyone i know at cymo for a SPECTACULAR year.
see you guys soon! :]
have a super summer. ♥

i guess i always say the wrong shit at the wrong time..

this thing called our friendship
its slowly fading away :'[
that sucks. :(

i cant tell if you're really my friend or if you're just using me anymore.

bitch go die. you make me so angry. and now everyhting is just off.
all this shit in life this yelling screaming fighting arguing. its not worth it.
why would you put yourself through all this trouble. you're just making both of our lives more difficult. i dont want to do this stupid thing.

for once i just want to not have to worry about anything. that was almost possible especially because school is ending and then you give me this shit?! ugh. go die. go suck a bush. i hate you.

Eminem - Go To Sleep ♥ good song.

i guess its just your off day. i hope you're better tomorrow :]
today sucked.

you dont tell me shit. so why should i tell you? oh thats right. im stopping. starting now. you know nothing anymore.
youre constant pmsing is pissing me off and i dont want to deal with that anymore.

youre always in a pissing mood for no fking reason. you dont make sense to me.
im done.

WOW.
WOW.
WOW.
WOW.
IS THERE NO ONE LEFT IN THIS F**KING WORLD THAT I CAN TRUST?!?!?!
OMFG.
this is absurd.

this is just.
wow.
i am speechless. really. this is horrible.

one emotion

there is only one emotion for me right now.
and that is:

:]


things are going so well
for so many reasons :] <3

love,
jessiewang.

4.20. tomorrow.

whos down? xD

just kidding. im one who is too chicken.

damnit.

im sorry. :[

what i did was wrong. sorry for making you wait. i told you i'd be there and i completely blew you off. and i made you wait for so long. im sorry. i am filled with guilt and sorrow.

and i hope that things will work out and you'll forgive me.

sorry again :(

i promise on my heart that next time it will not happen. it will never happen again.

it just hit me today. it just hit me how much i have been slacking off this semester and how i better get back in gear or else im doomed for failure.

i just realized how bad all my grades are and i have little time before the quarter ends until it ends up on my report card and i disappoint everyone in my family. especially my mom. and i hate disappointing people.

i just realized that i have almost all B's and its only freshman year.

i need to start stepping up. i see all the seniors this year getting into all these prestigious colleges. they make it look so easy but they worked their butt off for it.

and im already slacking off? what the hell is your problem jessie.

please fix yourself up.

-jessie.

loner

i dont know why ive been feeling like this. i just can't help it.

recently ive been feeling like a loner. everyone around me is ignoring me. i dont know what i did to everyone but im sorry. now i know what a loner feels. because i seriously feel like one.

i think everyone is getting annoyed with me. im constantly talking to them and they might not want to talk back. so why even bother start the conversation.

this spring break started off good. but getting these horrid feelings is changing it.

i dont know what to do. so i'll just wait. and see if anything different happens. but this feeling really sucks. and it completely changes my perspective on things. It's one more goal i have accomplished by stepping into someone else's shoes. this one has not been a good experience and who knows when it will end. i don't. only time will tell. and i just have to be patient.

oh well. on the brighter side of things, i finished up a lot of myhomework today :/

and i feel like theres really no one left in the world to trust. but what am i to say.

recently i've just been feeling

like a...

...loner...

-jessiewang.

conclusions

ive come to the conclusion that guys suck.

except like one or two.

one being my dad :]

i love coming up with

...conclusions... :]

-jessiewang

J.

recently, my days have gotten so much better.

the impact one person can have on me is so incredible. i never knew that it was possible to make me love life so much :] and he does it. and even though i dont know much about him and we're not that close and we've only talked a couple of times, he makes me smile every single time i see him.

and it just makes my day. one good day a week :] haha.

sad much? yes. i know. but to me its worth it. and i havent had this kind of feeling before. ever. and it feels so happy. until maybe the day something wont work out. then i'll be sad haha but so far, its looking okay. :)

yeah

so spring break. its spring break.

and i have a buttload of homework to do including two projects.

im going to catalina for the last 3 days so i shouldve started all my homework. but as you know i am one of the biggest procrastinators on the planet so i obviously havent started yet :/

i am now realized what i just did by not doing my homework. fml.

:[

:]

...j...

-jessiewang

highlight

3/13/2010 was sooo surreal to me.
i went to the bnp paribas. and holy crudd. was it amazing.
i was first in line for MARIA sharapovas autograph. and ohmydamn. shes amazing ♥. and she said hi to me and she talked to me and omg. ahh dreamy ;D
melanie oudin is probably one of the kindest girls on tour. :]
victoria azarenka. she was rocking those shades. never knew how cool she was.
ana ivanovic. you are also one of the kindest if not the most kind girl on tour. you are such a good sport and thats what fans love :)
nadal. if there wasnt a mob surrounding i mightve gotten your autograph :[
darn. missed it two years. oh well :D
and none of this couldve happened if it wasnt for ms. emily hall.
i know you dont read these em. but THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH <3 :]
my life. is actually pretty nice :D
damn....
truly the
...highlight...
of 2010 :] <3

so amazing incredibly wonderful words cannot describe ♥

-jessiewang :)

outsider

i dont know. these past couple days... at school..ive felt kind of ....out of place. like i dont belong. but why. i dotn know.
like this teacher of mine gives these really intense long speeches and they really get to you..or at least. they get to me. and they really make me think. so while he's speaking..im thinking and then i feel like i dont belong..if that makes sense.
i feel like im the one that always screws up. like all the "needs to be improved" things he mentions all apply to me. like im the reason he is saying these things.

02/23/10
so i started this yesterday and im finishing it today. in my head it was a much longer blog but i forgot everything...again. yeah
well ive noticed ive complained a lot. sorry. i really dont mean to. :P
but yeha. i feel like i really dont belong here. seriously. like.. i dont know. its complicated. but i dont belong.
anyways im like too lazy to finish this blog so this is the end.
its just lately ive been feeling like an...

...outsider...

-jessiewang

friends

friend –noun

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:

Ive always wondered if there were some people i called friends but they didnt call me a friend back. hm. Sadly, i dont know the answer to that. There may be a lot of people i call a friend but to them, i am not a friend. but then...how does that work?
To be honest i think that having me as a friend will get really annoying. I think i am annoying so you must think im like SUPER annoying. sorry. :[ i dont mean to be like that. and im like not trying to say dont be my friend anymore, but if thats what you choose im not going to stop you.
So what really is a friend? is it just somebody you talk to? personally...i think so. i mean there are friends. close friends. best friends. and friends are just the people you talk to semi a lot.
and close friends are like those people you can tell a lot of things to. maybe not everything but certainly a lot. and best friends are just like the person you are always around sharing laughs and inside jokes the people or person you trust most.
and sometimes you trust them a lot but they dont trust you. wow. that sucks. um.
honestly i dont know what im saying. i wanted to write this blog days ago. i finally got time today and like now i dont know what to say.
i feel like there are people you think are really close. or not REALLY but youve had inside jokes and stuff and now those people are just like...in a way ignoring you or theyre tired of you. but yeah you have to accept that...but sometimes i dont know.....eh. this blog sucks.
anyways if you ever need a friend im here. to listen, hang out or whatever.
im here.

song: You've Got A Friend in Me - Toy Story haha :D

...friends...

-jessiewang

fifteen

year after year passes by. and we get older. gross.
well my birthday is tomorrow. yay.
Saturday: my plans are pretty much nothing haha.
uhm. spaghetti dinner at night. tennis in the morning. the end. yes i will see friends there :] <3

so ive been stressing out this week with all this work.
mr. stratton you kill me.
there isnt really much to say. uhm.
happy birthday tomorrow also eddycao. :]
yeah. 15. thats a big number. i cant wait until i see the present my parents got me :] <3
i love them :)

yeah so ...yeah. nothing really interesting.
happy birthday to all you january peoplee :D i wish you a happy birthday.
dang. i am now...

...fifteen...

song: Fifteen - Taylor Swift. how appropriate :]

-jessiewang

yet again

so im sorry. i feel i am in the need of writing another emo blog :[
uhm i dont really know how to say this blog i mean...all of my thoughts are just mushed inside my body and its hard to pick one out.
i think this blog is really similar to my "time machine" one except different.
i wish i could have a time machine but the reasons are different this time.
um.
i try to be strong, as everyone should but sometimes...me. you. anyone. we fall apart. we can no longer be strong and hold it in.
and recently i had to let it out no matter how hard i tried to hold it in. to move on.
i am still trying to move on. to notice the better things in life instead of looking at what sucks. but tahts hard. especially knowing things couldve been different.
i think i am slowing getting better at least. i hope i am.
sometimes i just completely forget about it. but when the thought comes back, its stabs me in the back with a thousand knives.
some things...they just arent meant to be i guess. the more i think about it..the more it kills my inside so i really need to stop and get over it. well..im halfways there.
there are more people to meet, places to see, and things to experience. i just havent gotten there yet.

i dont like when i start a blog and finish it later like i am now.
i forget what i was going to say and the blogs just feel so...incomplete because i dont say what i meant to.. :[

well... i guess thats all because i cant remember what to say. sigh.
and i better run along and study that bio test tomorrow :[ or else maggie would get a little disappointed haha :]
uhm...thats all for now. maybe i'll edit it another day.
and this blog might be a little confusing because..i really dont even know what im writing because i started and stopped like in between so yeah. :P

i need a time machine

...yet again...

song: "My Plan" - Gabe Bondoc

-jessiewang

winter break

winter break was too short i think.
or i just didnt do anything. literally. except las vegas. okay and i ate a buffet like everyday. no lie.
i gained at least 2 pounds :[
but new years. did nothing. and i have a buttload of homework and this project thingy due. that i havent even started. somebody shoot me.
by far one of the WORST winter breaks EVER. :'[

...winter break...
might as well not taken one and gone to school.

-jessiewang

oh-nine.

so i wanted to post this blog as 2010 but i already titled my other one 2010 so i had to think of a different title :[
but i think that oh-nine is pretty uhm. nice :D
today was or..yesterday. was new years eve and i did nothing LOL. oh except meet up with an old friend jonathan hoey. :] yeah. thats all lol.
uhm. besides that. i was at home all day. yeah
2009 has been a great year. made a lot of new friends. did a lot of accomplishing things. but now, its over. but thats okay. because it wasnt the best year i think. or i dont really know. all my years are just average.
i still need to make a new years resolution. :[
anyways. and oh wow. this winter break is already over. poo. i still need to do all of my homework :'[
well thats all. i hope everyone had a WONDERFUL new years and i hope that you can achieve your new years resolution :D

...oh-nine...

-jessiewang.