outsider

i dont know. these past couple days... at school..ive felt kind of ....out of place. like i dont belong. but why. i dotn know.
like this teacher of mine gives these really intense long speeches and they really get to you..or at least. they get to me. and they really make me think. so while he's speaking..im thinking and then i feel like i dont belong..if that makes sense.
i feel like im the one that always screws up. like all the "needs to be improved" things he mentions all apply to me. like im the reason he is saying these things.

02/23/10
so i started this yesterday and im finishing it today. in my head it was a much longer blog but i forgot everything...again. yeah
well ive noticed ive complained a lot. sorry. i really dont mean to. :P
but yeha. i feel like i really dont belong here. seriously. like.. i dont know. its complicated. but i dont belong.
anyways im like too lazy to finish this blog so this is the end.
its just lately ive been feeling like an...

...outsider...

-jessiewang

friends

friend –noun

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile:

Ive always wondered if there were some people i called friends but they didnt call me a friend back. hm. Sadly, i dont know the answer to that. There may be a lot of people i call a friend but to them, i am not a friend. but then...how does that work?
To be honest i think that having me as a friend will get really annoying. I think i am annoying so you must think im like SUPER annoying. sorry. :[ i dont mean to be like that. and im like not trying to say dont be my friend anymore, but if thats what you choose im not going to stop you.
So what really is a friend? is it just somebody you talk to? personally...i think so. i mean there are friends. close friends. best friends. and friends are just the people you talk to semi a lot.
and close friends are like those people you can tell a lot of things to. maybe not everything but certainly a lot. and best friends are just like the person you are always around sharing laughs and inside jokes the people or person you trust most.
and sometimes you trust them a lot but they dont trust you. wow. that sucks. um.
honestly i dont know what im saying. i wanted to write this blog days ago. i finally got time today and like now i dont know what to say.
i feel like there are people you think are really close. or not REALLY but youve had inside jokes and stuff and now those people are just like...in a way ignoring you or theyre tired of you. but yeah you have to accept that...but sometimes i dont know.....eh. this blog sucks.
anyways if you ever need a friend im here. to listen, hang out or whatever.
im here.

song: You've Got A Friend in Me - Toy Story haha :D

...friends...

-jessiewang